These are extraordinary times we are living in and now I know that God stepped into my life and began speaking to me 27 years ago for just such a time as this. He wants us to know that we are not alone, he is with us and will help us get through these and other difficult times. To believe this we must trust him but how do you trust someone with your very life if you do not know him and that is where my conversations with God come in. Through our conversations, he has taught me about himself. It has been 27 years of school for me and now is the time to share them with you.
My Journey: How it all began…
Twenty-seven years ago, I began having this feeling that I had something to do but wasn’t sure what exactly it was. Two years before we had moved back home and now 2 years later, we had just moved into a new house. My daughter was 4 and my son had just turned 6 (yes, they’re 15 months apart and I’ve heard every joke about apparently not knowing how getting pregnant works!). I was trying to unpack, put everything in place, and get ready for the holidays which were going to be at our house. The feeling became persistent, but I thought it was just everything that was on my plate.
My daughter had started pre-k in the fall at the Catholic school my son attended, and it had been a bumpy start with her crying every day for the first couple of weeks. I was the co-room mom for her class, had been talked into serving on the lady’s co-op board, and my son was still not sure he was liking kindergarten, especially taking naps, and kept asking me to home school him.
I remember one morning after I had dropped the kids off and they had finally settled into school, I sat in my car looking at the church on the other side of the parking lot and thanking God for all the good that was happening in our lives. Little did I know that God was probably sitting in heaven smiling down on me, perhaps even chuckling, knowing how he was about to turn my life upside down.
After the holidays, and everything had settled down at home and school, the feeling that I had something to do but couldn’t remember what, was still there and began becoming even more persistent. It was there every day making me distracted and slightly agitated. Then one day I began to get the feeling that God was behind it. I was surprised as that thought came to me.
Now, 6 years after seeing the pigeon on the ledge at church, I felt I was getting a calling from God. I told God it was too late for me to be a nun. I was married with kids. I told him if this was really him to send me a sign, like a burning bush, an angel, or something. Well, strange things began to happen, and I would be rattled but told him it could be a coincidence, I needed more. It culminated one morning after dropping the kids at school. I thought I’d go into the church and see if God would give me a definite sign, a real burning bush moment, in there. I must admit, I was a-doubting-Thomas. I thought if God were going to give me a sign anywhere that I would believe, it would surely be in the church. I got out of my car and went walking towards the church doors which are large, heavy, bronze double doors. It was a somewhat windy morning and as I was about to take one more step to grab the handle of the door, the door slowly opened in front of me. If I had been one step closer the door would have hit me. When the door opened all the way there was no one there. I was a little freaked out, but I went into the church expecting to see someone that had started to open the door and had turned away. There was no one in the church at all. I was definitely freaked out by now.
I closed the door and went to the front pew and knelt down. I told God that the door opening was pretty good, but ever the doubting Thomas, I said that it was windy outside and maybe the wind had opened the door (although it is a very heavy door for the wind to blow open.) I told him I needed another sign and just began asking him that if this was really him what did he want with me? As I prayed, I began to feel warm. It was the beginning of February, so the weather was chilly but the feeling of being warm grew and I was beginning to sweat. I thought to myself that it was hot in the church and I should have left the door open so I could have gotten some air in there. I no sooner thought that thought when the church door slowly opened once again and… there was no one there. I was completely freaked out by that point, told God okay it was him, and left. As more days passed, I began to feel closer and closer to the Father and Jesus and this incredible yearning began to grow inside of me and I found it difficult to concentrate. Finally, on February 14th, Valentine’s Day again, I sat down in my kitchen after everyone had gone to bed and began talking to the Father and Jesus. I said I believed it was them but what did they want with me and why now?
Suddenly thoughts came into my head, not voices, but they were definitely not my thoughts. I felt sure it was Jesus though I don’t know how I knew this. He said that I had a mission to fulfill. I asked what that mission would be. He replied that I would remind people of his and our Father’s love for us. He told me I had volunteered for this mission long ago. I asked why if I was chosen for a special mission from God had bad things happened to me and why had I not led a much better, holier life. He replied that I had to experience all that I did so that I would be able to identify and sympathize with what other people had gone through and so they could identify with me. When I asked him why it had taken so long for him to tell me about this, he answered that I had to not only want to see him and learn from him but also to be willing to sacrifice, to reach a certain maturity, to be there for him, a shoulder for him to lean on, as he is for me and to want to share it with and help my generation. I asked him when this would happen and he said soon, just trust in him, and then it was over. I was exhilarated and yet also doubting if it had really happened. Little did I know the fantastic journey that was about to begin and that obviously God’s version of soon is not mine.
