I am sorry that I have not been posting for a couple of months. With my husband’s diagnosis and all that goes with it, I have been so stressed out that I haven’t been able to focus on much of anything. I have used a picture of The Grinch for this because one I didn’t want a picture of the devil on my blog, and two the Grinch initially had many of the devil’s traits with sneaking in and trying to ruin what is good. I have learned much in these months about spiritual warfare and how the devil works. Most of us have heard that spiritual warfare comes from the devil and his minions and his ultimate goal is to separate us from God. It’s one thing to know this, it’s another to go through it. There have been other situations since my conversion where I went through spiritual warfare but nothing like what I have been going through now. I wanted to share this with you so that when you encounter this you will know what you are dealing with.
As I stated in my last post, my husband has been diagnosed with non-hodgkin’s lymphoma. While he has been dealing with chemo fairly well, he has been unable to work and as I work in real estate which has been dead this year, we do not have a lot of money coming in. I was waking up at night in a cold sweat wondering what we would do. Then to add even more to worry about, his white blood cell count had dropped very low and he needed a shot from now on on the day after he would have chemo that our portion of the bill would be over $2,600. At that point the devil began to make his move. As I continued to stress, then give it to Jesus and get some peace but then begin to stress and worry again I found I was tired all of the time, unable to focus for very long, couldn’t remember things, the temptations began to sneak in. ‘You need your rest, stay in bed, skip going to church and rest.’ ‘Your whole world is about to change for the worse.’ ‘You are going to lose everything and no one can save you.’
As my fears mounted I just kept praying. I told Jesus he had come through before and I needed him to come through again. Then one night it came to me in my sleep how to pay for everything and even get extra money for a safety net. I knew it was Jesus. He had come through once again. However, just a few days later more dark thoughts came and then the temptation, ‘God doesn’t really love you that much and you are probably going to hell for what you’ve done in the past.’ Fear and anxiety once again reared their ugly heads and I couldn’t sleep or concentrate. Again I told that voice to depart from me that I trusted in Jesus and he would get us through. Then Sunday one of the scripture readings spoke of God letting Israel be conquered but He was sending a Messiah to bring his people back to him. For now I am calm and when I get stressed again I will remember Psalm 23 and Leanna Crawford’s song about it “Still Waters” and just sing it to myself again and again to remind me of God’s love and care for me no matter what.
